If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
