oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
