We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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