i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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