I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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