Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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