I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
