Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
