Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize