hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
