I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
