i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
