sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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