Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
