Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
