The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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