I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
