I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
