you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
