Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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