oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
