Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
