I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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