Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
false alarm. still invincible.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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