you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My pussy is not your playground.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
