I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize