And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
