Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
