Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
