mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
