i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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