I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize