If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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