Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
