My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
