Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Randomize
