broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
