I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
