If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
