i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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