I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
