dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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