Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
