Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
