i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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