So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
