Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
