Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize