I think i peed on brittanys purse
it hurts more in the daytime
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
