He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I will be naked everywhere
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
