I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
