i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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