tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
