1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
