By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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