Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
