If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
