Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Enjoy the penises
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
