how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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