guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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