dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
