all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
