shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Randomize
