i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
