the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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