i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
