I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
