I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
