We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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