the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
