I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
