I wanna passion pit in your ass
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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