woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
