we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
