I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
