oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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