I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
accomplished twins. life is a go
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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