Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
