You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
dude i'm inner monologue high
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize