I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
