You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
