he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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