she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize