ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
