we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
