im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize