shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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