I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
