Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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