There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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