Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
