She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
