You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
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