you win again, gameday.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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