Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
