that's an acceptable place to lick
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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