as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Randomize
