I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
