I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize