Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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