People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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