i jhust puked up my retainher.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
