and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
