Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
