im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
if i can run in heels then i can drive
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
